


Make your own kind of music - Beautiful Thing AU

by Stulot



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: (nothing explicit so dont worry), Domestic Violence, Falling In Love, M/M, Mashup, Slurs, beautiful thing, teen robron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-05 03:44:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15855549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stulot/pseuds/Stulot
Summary: Robron in the Beautiful Thing world. Two teens, struggling with their respective family, fall in love :)





	1. It's getting better

**Author's Note:**

> So this has been on my computer for over three years I think hehe. May be time to finish it?  
> Considering I basically took the script and changed only a few things around, this should have been finished a long time ago. but oh well. 
> 
> If you haven't seen Beautiful Thing, you really really should, it's made in 1994 but I think it's one of the best lgbtq themed films out there. It also really made me fall in love with The mamas and the papas <3
> 
> Didn't use a beta, so soz for my errors :D

Once I believed that when love came to me  
It would come with rockets, bells and poetry  
But with me and you it just started quietly and grew 

...

Mama Cass.

Mama Fucking Cass. Blaring through the thin walls yet again. It had been a recurring thing since about three months back when Tracy first had discovered her. By now, he wasn't sure if he hated the music, if it had just become mundane or if he had actually learned to appreciate it. He enjoyed watching old movies, so why not some old music. 

Today, she seems to be seeping through the walls a little louder than normal. Or maybe it was just him. Everything felt a little more today. The hot weather. Mr. Bennett and his balls (football that is, jeez). The embarrassment from his backpack being thrown around, his stuff projecting out of it, on display for everyone to see. Not even Robert had stopped it this time. Of course, he knew he wouldn't be able to stop his mates every time they got a kick out of knocking him about. Wouldn't really look right, would it? McBride would throw him out of their little group in no time. At least this way, when he had somewhat of an ally on the inside, he'd be able to stop them if it ever went too far. Unlike that one time, in the boys' loo when Robert had been home sick and he'd ended up with a cut on his forehead. He'd tried fighting back of course, tried doing all he could, tried living up to the Dingle name. But they were always at least three. Traveling in a pack. That's how they survived. How they won. Every damn time. It made him wonder if he'd ever survive. The rough neighbourhood where his mum had rooted them was bad enough. 

The front door slams shut and he hurryingly turns off the TV, quickly gathering his books around him. A poor attempt to look busy with homework. 

”Oi. How come you're home early again?” His mum stares at him, framed by the door opening, pointing an accusing finger at him. She looks flushed, as if she's hurried home, a few grocery bags dangling from her hands. 

”Free period” he lies, already knowing she'll see right through him. 

”School burnt down did it?” She's still staring at him.

He's wished it many times. Sadly, it hasn't happened once. The closest it ever came was when a kid smoked in the bogs and set off the fire alarm. At least, they'd got to go home early. 

”PE was it? You gotta start doing your game.”

”I hate football.” Another lie.

”You never used to.” 

”Well I do now.” Third lie. On another street, in another city he used to love it. Here, they have all seemed to sussed him out. Keeping away is his best option. 

”They'll put you into care you know” she shouts from the kitchen. ”They'll say I'm an unfit mother who can't even get him to do his PE”. There's a pause before she shouts again, ”Anyone calling you names?”

Rolling his eyes, he pushes himself off of the floor, slamming the front door shut behind him. Tracy is out there, pushing around on a little kid's bike she's found god knows where. She's wearing big gold earrings, a neon pink top and some leopard shorts. At least she doesn't go unnoticed. No matter how much he tries blending in among all the grey buildings surrounding them, someone always seems to catch him out. 

”Call the village band out, bid me good bye  
Everybody stand outside and cry  
Never thought so many, thought me so dear  
I'd be happy any place but here”

She stops the moment she catches him watching. 

”Go on then” he urges. He's decided he likes the music. It gets his mind off stuff. 

Her voice isn't all that bad actually he reflects as she picks up the song again, still pushing around on the little tricycle. Robert's dad is his usually grumpy self when she gets in his way of trying to get to his apartment. There's a white plastic bag dangling from his hand, the characteristic sound of glass bottles clinking against each other coming from it. He carries a lot of bags like them, he's noticed. 

Apparently the groceries must be all sorted as Chas peeks her way out of the door, lighting a cig. ”It's not natural is it” she muses. 

”What?” Aaron frowns at her. 

”A girl her age being into Mama Cass. What's wrong with Madonna?”

Tracy comes to a quick halt with her cycle, her earrings dangling, looking greatly offended. ”She's just as old”. 

Chas tuts before she's dragged back into the apartment by the phone ringing. 

”Alright Rob” he hears Tracy calling behind him, the hairs on his neck immediately prickling. His heart picks up its pace. He doesn't want it to happen, but it does. Nearly every goddamn time he's around. Before he turns, he plasters on an as neutral face as possible. 

”Hiya” he almost coughs out, feeling his cheeks burn from something else than the hot weather. 

He acknowledges him with a nod, the collar of his football shirt swaying a little as he does. He hasn't changed since their last lesson. Tracy is talking with him, or to him, he's not sure. He can't really concentrate when he's in those shorts. 

”Nah, I'm making bubble and squeak for tea, you gotta watch it like a hawk” he hears him respond to some question Tracy has just asked. 

”See ya Rob” he says as Robert makes his way inside the apartment next to his, gazing at him a little too long he's sure. Hopefully Tracy hasn't caught him staring.

His mum's voice spills through the door, the embarrassment is just turned up a notch as he can hear her telling Ms. Chauhan he got a funny tummy and had to rush home. 

”No the boys loo was locked you see Ms. Chauhan” she says in her most supple voice. 

Great. Just fucking great. If he could just be swallowed by a sinking hole or throw himself off the building right about now he'd be happy. Tony and his fucking Volkswagen van would probably catch his fall he thinks as he spots his mum's boyfriend parking his old banger six stories down. Why the fuck does he need a babysitter for? He's 17. Christ. 

Tracy laughs at him before going back inside, no doubt has she heard what his mum has just said. As if the day could get any worse. Perhaps if he jumps a little further away, there's no chance of the stupid car getting in the way. 

”Right, that's me off to work” Chas declares as she comes flying out the door, dressed in a short skirt and a deep cleavage to match. It's good for tips, she has explained. Before he gets the chance to complain about having a baby sitter, she presses a kiss onto his cheek which he tries fighting off and she rushes away, shouting as she does - ”I'll be checking your homework when I'm back - BE WARNED”.

His hand is coloured red as he wipes the lipstick off of his cheek. 

After a few tries, Tony has finally parked his fucking car. The man is useless. He could have done it in about five seconds. Somehow, the elevator is fast today and his mum is already down there, pressing into his body, flirting with him before she kisses him goodbye. 

”ONE WAY TICKET TAKE ME ANYWHERE”. The walls shake as the music from where Tracy lives screams out its message to the whole neighbourhood and beyond. It takes about two seconds before Robert comes rushing out, a kitchen rag in his hand, and banging on the locked door. 

”Oi! Trace! My old man is trying to get some kip!” he shouts, panicked, as if he's afraid he'd wake up. ”Come on! Open up!” he bangs on the door harder this time, his hand turning red. 

He's about to go help him when he catches Andy approaching them, all muscles and face frowned. He gives Robert an annoyed look as he bangs his closed fist on the door. Tracy opens, her face covered in some white cream and she's singing to her hairbrush. 

”Hi Andy” she chirps. 

Snorting, he doesn't reply before pushing past her. Within a few seconds the whole house is quiet. 

”You could have just asked” Tracy flirts again as he comes back. ”You know I'd do anything for you” she tries, running a finger down his pumped bicep. He simply looks at her with some form of disgust in his eyes. He wasn't always so angry, so distant. It seems like when his muscles grew, so did his temper.

He doesn't just ignore Tracy as she calls after him, but also his brother as he slams the door in his face. 

”Andy, open up” Robert calls after him, knocking on his own door this time. 

Streams of grey air puffs out from their apartment and onto the exterior corridor and the burning smell is all too apparent. They both have their own problems, Aaron thinks. 

..

Tony has a weird little smile as he looks at him, shifting the plastic football that's really more for kids than for grownups between his hands. ”Scared Aaron. Scared of the ball...you know...” his words drag out into some peculiar slur as if he's taken one or two many pills. ”...coming near me”. 

Out of all the men his mum could have picked, this is the one she fell for. 

”Fancy a kickabout?” He holds the red and yellow ball in front of his face, grinning stupidly. ”Na, me neither” he answers himself when all Aaron can do is frown at him, it's that stupid. ”Some other time yeah” he smiles, dropping the ball to the floor, laughing as it bounces down the corridor into the kitchen. 

”I don't need a babysitter you know” he finally says. 

”It's your mum” he drags out his words again. ”She worries Aaron. About you. About her work. Everything” he explains so calmly it doesn't actually seems like she worries much at all. 

A moment later they're out on their big balcony on the back of the house. It's the only thing good enough about the shitty place. Some faint voices leaks through from Robert's apartment, it takes all his strength not to look back and peek over the low wall separating the two terraces. 

”Where did you meet my mum?” he decides to ask since he hasn't managed to get the answer from her. 

Tony takes a drag of his rolled cig. ”Out and about”.

”Yeah but where” he insist. 

”Out and about. Here and there.” Tony smiles avoiding. ”What's a place, place is just somewhere you know, where shit happens.” he says profoundly. 

”Yeah but where” he asks again, this time a little louder. For a second he's unsure if Tony can even hear him properly. 

”Match.com”

He kinda wants to laugh, but there's nothing funny about it. It's the place where losers go innit?

”She turn you on?”

Tony nods, ”Sure”.

”She's 35”

Tony shrug his shoulders, waving his cig in the air. ”What's age? Age is just a number.”

”Mum says you're a painter”.

Tony nods, tasting the cigarette again, blowing out air that smells of tobacco and something sweet. 

”Is that a spliff?” He already knows it is but asks anyway. Tony looks at him, nods. ”Well give us some” he half demands, half asks. The smoke fills his lung. Perhaps having a babysitter isn't so bad after all. 

They stand like that, looking out onto the landscape of concrete, watching the sun set. Warm winds comforting them from the voices next door that seem to get loader with each minute. A door slams, or someone is slammed into a door. Either way, there's a hard thud, and then another. He knows Tony can hear it too, but they don't comment on it. If they ignore it, it might just go away. It eventually does, but not after a couple of screams and some more banging. The shouts belong to Robert, he knows what they sound like by now. Each time, it takes his everything not to jump over to their balcony, trying to barge in. He's done that mistake once before, he won't be doing it again. The only thing it had done was cause more bruises. 

Closing his eyes momentarily, he tries to come up with more questions to distract himself with. 

”How old are you?” is the first one that pops up.

”27. Yeah I know, not old enough to be your dad”.

If Tony's trying to sound cool, he's failing miserably. 

”It's just shit you know”. 

”What?” His random remark throws Aaron out of his thoughts of what he will find on the other side of the wall. 

”The whole concept. I think we should move towards going away from all that, right.”

”Right” Aaron nods, looking at him as if he's from another planet. If that's what he sounds like, he better lay off the spliff before his mum gets back. 

Another slam. This time it's definitely a door. Turning quickly, he catches the back of Robert's head rushing past the kitchen window as he looks through the windows to the other side of the apartment.

”You want some pancakes? I'll make them” Tony offers. If he hadn't known better, he'd think it was his attempt of distracting him. 

”I better help.” The state he's in, he'll probably burn down the kitchen. Or maybe, it's not such a bad idea after all. 

Sadly, both kitchen and the apartment make it through without accidents. Even the pancakes taste pretty damn good. 

A couple of hours later, when they're planted on the floor playing cards, most of the effects from the spliff worn off, his mum comes home. It's who follows her that makes him sit up straight. 

”Tony, make him a sarnie” Chas tells him, as she digs through her purse. 

Tony claps his hands together, clearly not reading the sudden shift of the mood in room. ”What's it to be, pastrami and feta cheese on rye”.

Robert doesn't respond. In fact, he doesn't even look at them, his shoulders sloped, eyes diverted to the floor. It's a far cry from the person he is when he's with his mates at school. The ringleader is nowhere to be found. 

”Tony, just make him a sandwich please” Chas demands sternly which makes Tony stand quickly. 

Robert throws a quick glance at him. 

”You have to top and tail with Aaron, I'm afraid” Chas says, pressing her hand around Robert's shoulder. Finally finding a packet of fags in her purse, she rushes back outside. 

There's an awkward beat between them where Aaron tries a friendly smile, unsure of what to say. Outside they can hear his mother shouting through the mail slot that creaks when she opens it. ”Jack! Andy! Your Robert is stopping at our place tonight! I might just report you. Do you hear me!? It's Chas and I'm not happy!”

His mum might be a lot of things, but she's a fighter and she's always on the right side when it counts. 

Some mumbled shouting is returned to her, he's not sure, but the word 'cunt' may have been in there. 

”This has got to stop!” is the last thing exchanged before she closes and locks their front door. 

Robert looks down again. His eyes dotting around the blue carpet, not wanting to meet Aaron's eyes a second time. 

”Here” Chas sticks the sandwich Tony's made in front of Robert's face nearly making him jolt. It got cheese and pickles on it. ”We're going to bed, you should too, it's late” she says tiredly, already unclasping her necklace. 

Robert nods, tries smiling a little at her to say thanks. He's holding the sandwich a little awkwardly, almost as if he doesn't know what to do with it. Finally, he decides to take a bite, and it seems to relax him somewhat. 

Aaron stands, still unsure what to say so he simply nods towards his room. Robert follows. About half of the sandwich is gone when Aaron takes his jeans off – the tshirt stays on – and climbs into bed. There's still an awkward silence between them. He doesn't feel like pushing things so he picks up his mum's Hello magazine still on his night table. Turns out, it's really hard to read without his glasses, so reluctantly he reaches into the drawer for them. At least he can hide behind the paper, because he's not sure what's worse, the silence or letting Robert see him in his nerdy glasses that he's had since he was 12. There's black tape wrapped around the side that's been broken for just as long.

What causes him to finally stop hiding is Robert's innocent question, ”What are you reading?”. A small attempt to make some sort of conversation. 

”It's me mum's” he mumbles, takes a deep breath, perhaps he won't notice. ”Hello” he peeks his head out from the magazine, cringing at his own lame joke. 

”Hello” Robert smiles. It doesn't look like he thinks he's a complete dork. If he does, he's hiding it well. 

”It's about Lucy from Coronation Street. Her name is Lucy in real life and all” he rattles off, nervousness shining through. ”I hate that name” he adds a little lower.

”Do you always wear glasses when you read?” 

Shit. 

There's no law requiring anyone to look someone in the eye when talking to them right? ”I'm supposed to” he mumbles, staring at the stupid article again. 

”You don't in school” Robert states, sounding...friendly?

Friendly enough to make Aaron look at him again. ”It's hardly fetching is it?”

”Nah, it looks alright” Robert smiles, and chews down the last bit of his sandwich.

A tiny little spark goes off in Aaron's brain. ”Yeah?” he says, hopeful.

”Yeah” Robert confirms, and licks his thumb and index finger.

A smile tugs at the corners of Aaron's mouth. Perhaps they're not so bad after all. He's not sure what to say after that, and anything he will say will probably come out as utter nonsense, so he goes back to reading again. He can feel Robert's stare on him but tries his best to ignore it. This is not the time for his cheeks to turn on him. 

”Do you fancy that Lucy?” It's an innocent enough question if it was taken out of context. But in this context, when they're both aware of the names he get called on a daily basis it's a loaded gun aiming straight for his heart. But Robert's voice didn't sound vicious when he asked, not like it would sound like if he was in front of the other blokes. It just sounded curious. 

”Not really. Do you?” he counters, hoping he made it sound as casual as possible. 

Robert shrugs. ”Haven't given it much thought really.”

So not a yes... or a no. He doesn't know what that means. ”Do you fancy her next door?” he tries a different approach. 

”Fancy Tracy?” Robert almost laughs as if it's the most ridiculous thing he's heard all week.

”She fancies you” Aaron pressed.

”Don't” Robert chuckles silently, a bit more subdued.

”Just saying” Aaron smiles a little. It almost feels like he has the upper hand now.

”Aaron” Robert says, his voice calm and sweet and he smiles at him. Actually smiles - at him! It's genuine too. And he holds his stare just a second too long. And now his heart beats a little harder. Air, he needs air. Stop perving, he scolds himself.

”You gonna sleep then?” he asks, trying to control his racing emotions. 

”Mm” Robert nods. ”I'm knackered”. 

”I'll turn the light off”

They lie there in the darkness. Heart speeding so fast there is just no way he'll be able to sleep until he's calmed himself down. Think sad thoughts, he tries. Dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies. Robert's dad. His brother. 

”Robert...?” 

”Mm.” There's a question in there somewhere. 

”You alright?”

”Yeah.”

”Robert...” he starts without really knowing how to finish or what he even wants to say, so he leaves it hanging, not saying anything. 

”Night Aaron”. He can nearly hear the smile in Robert's voice.


	2. California Earthquake

”I heard they exploded the underground blast  
What they say's gonna happen, gonna happen at last  
That's the way it appears”

...

They're only halfway through May and the country is already suffering from a bloody heatwave.   
Every piece of clothing cling to his body like a straitjacket and it's impossible to sleep without the fan turned on at night, the humming sound keeping him up, making every though that runs through his head seem that much more louder. 

Robert hasn't said anything about the night he spent in his room. Which means neither has Aaron. How could he? For most part Robert doesn't even acknowledge him. It's only at home, outside their flats he exists. Strangely, he's fine with that. In that universe, Robert is a better person, a nice one. Treats him like he actually matters. Even if it is just a nod of his head, or complaints about Tracy only playing one record, it still makes Aaron feel better. Some days, Robert doesn't talk much at all. Like he's in a world of his own. He doesn't want to ask, not sure where to even begin. Tracy notices too, they all do really. 

”You wanna go to the park or something?” Robert asks unexpectedly one day when he shows up outside their apartment, catching Aaron looking out over the high-rises at the horizon. 

He looks a little stressed and Aaron doesn't need much time to think about it. ”Could get my football?”

They meet Tony on their way out, carrying some plastic chairs; his mum had been going about needing a couple more for the balcony. Tony seems eager to please. The two of them sharing a spliff is another incident that hasn't been mentioned again. 

”Good for you Aaron.” He smiles stupidly, glancing at the ball he is carrying. 

 

Turns out, he doesn't get much of a chance to kick it about when McBride and the rest turn up, seeming to have the same idea as them. Maybe he is imagining things, but he can swear there's a tiny sigh of disappointment slipping from Robert's lips when he sees them. However, it doesn't stop him from quickly ignoring Aaron when they call his name and slip into his role as one of the group. The wolfpack. 

Perhaps he is a masochist, but he stays. Gets himself an ice-cream and watches from a distance how the others kick the ball between them. It's not like he has anything better to do, he certainly doesn't wanna go back to the apartment now that Tony is there. Unlike what they might think, he's actually a pretty decent player. But these days, he's happy if he's allowed on the sideline. There's an urge running through him of wanting to rush over and knock them all down, tell them to sod off but unless he wants to get his teeth kicked in it's probably not such a good idea. Robert seems a bit tense at his presence, which emphasizes the bubble they've built at home. Here, there are boundaries. Afraid of losing him completely, Aaron makes his damndest not to break them. It's only when they kick his ball into the pond he cannot keep quiet anymore, especially when noone seems to care about it floating away. 

”Oi, give us our ball back!” he shouts, rushing over. 

”Get it yourself!” McBride grabs his shoulders and shakes him. It all happens so fast he has no chance to stop him when McBride pushes him into the water. Soon the others jump in too, splashing water at him, not giving a toss about the ball.

They get tired easily though and starts splashing water at each other instead. He can't really see where the ball has gone, water flying everywhere as he struggles to get back to the edge. Behind the trio is Robert, holding his ball. And surely, there's a sweet smile aimed at him. Right? 

Drenched, they leave the park. Robert doesn't seem to want to go home so Aaron offers him shelter at theirs. He even tumble dries his clothes while Robert waits patiently in his dressing gown. His! It's probably the closest he will ever come to his naked skin, he thinks before pushing the stupid thought away. As if that will ever happen. 

He's used to family drama, he should know, with his dad and all. Even his mum is pretty useless at the best of times. Bottom line, he's learned to know the signs. But still, he's not really prepared for the huge bruises he accidentally sees on Robert's back when he is changing into his football jersey. Yet, he says nothing as Robert catches his stare in the mirror. Pushing past Aaron, looking a little embarrassed, Aaron just stands there holding his own clothes. 

Normal, that's what he pretends to be when they head out to the balcony, even though it feels fucked up and he knows he should probably tell someone. But he keeps quiet for Robert's sake. Because he's pretty sure he'd never forgive him. 

His mum and Tony already there. For some reason, Tracy is there too, and he supposes his mum and she doesn't hate each other quite as much as they act like. Robert is standing next to him, actually smiling. Beaming even and Aaron tries his best to do the same. They're drinking beer in the damn heat, his mum lets them for some reason. ”Just the one” she said. 

Tracy, as usual, goes on about Mama Cass, Robert weighing in a few lighthearted jokes. Then someone mentions her death and choking on a sandwich. 

”Maybe she was happy being fat” Robert says. 

”Not so happy when she choked on that sandwich,” his mum says and all but Tracy laughs. 

Robert moves in a little closer to him then and Aaron almost chokes as well. It feels right though. That's what the feeling is. Contentment. He wishes he could reach out his hand, grab Robert's arm and tell him to stay forever. 

”Hey Tony,” Chas says in her most seductive voice, waving an empty beer can in front of his face, completely ruining the moment. ”Crack open a new one. I fancy something wet dripping down the back of my throat. What do you say.”

Tony smirks. ”I say, this alright.”

”Better in than out if you know what I mean,” she whispers, nestling her nose against his. It's still loud enough for them all to hear. It's disgusting. 

”Oh shut up.”

”Manners” Chas scolds, moving her legs down from Tony's lap. ”Bet you don't talk like that to your old man Rob.”

Robert shifts a little, tensing. ”I don't speak full stop.”

”No offence Rob, you know what I mean.”

”Mum,” Aaron's voice hardens, an intense rush of wanting to protect him. 

Robert eyes diverts to the floor briefly. As if he's gathering strength. He does that, stays silent, concentrates, collects himself. He knows, he has seen it several times already. ”I better get in,” he finally says. ”I'm going boxing with my dad later.” He almost wishes there would be some defiance to his voice but there's none. It's just calm, too calm. Accepting even. 

”WHAT!” his mum shrills, shocked. ”What, can't you get enough of it at home eh Rob” she laughs, tauntingly almost. Aaron hates her for it. 

”No, as spectating,” Robert explains, disappearing into the apartment. 

His mum keeps laughing and he's had enough now. ”Not so funny when that bloke of yours beat you up was it?” he says angrily, refusing to say 'dad' and 'beat you' in the same sentence. He puts down his can of beer so hard droplets fly around it before he storms inside. 

She rushes after him, grabs his arm and twists him around. ”You're so clever ain't ya! You little weirdo!”

”Clever than you!” he shouts back, his shoulders tense, ready to fight. And they do. They end up on the floor, his mum on top of him, hitting him all over. It's only slaps and not very hard, but it hurt all the same. It's the same fight they always seem to get themselves into. Calling each other names, calling them out on each other. 'Abandoning issues' a school shrink once named it. 

Eventually, they calm down. Sitting opposite of each other, panting. Nearly regretting. 

”Am I like my dad?” Please God, don't let it be true. 

”No, you're like me,” she answers, pressing the heel of her hand over her eye and temple, rubbing.

”How am I weird?” he asks, twisting closer to the couch, resting his elbow on it and burying his head in the palm of his hand. Hiding. 

”Give it a rest.”

”You said it.”

”You're alright.” He looks at her from under a couple of strands of hair that have fallen loose. ”You got me for a mother but who said life is easy. You are...” She nods, desperately, he can tell. ”You're alright.”

..

Doesn't really matter what she says or does. Sometimes he wonders if he'll ever be alright. Even Robert notices when he appears from his apartment. Figures he must have heard him arguing with his mum. Wants to know if he likes to come to the boxing.

”Shut up.” Aaron fold his arms in front of him, leaning over the railing. 

”Got a spare ticket,” Robert tries again. Encouraging. Voice all soft like it never is at school. 

”Leave me alone.” Why does he have to push people away? Every damn time. Don't let them see you hurting. 

Staring at those damn high-rises he can tell from his periphery, Robert tilting his head a little, concern etched in his face. ”Are you alright?”

”Apparently,” Aaron mutters despite of himself. He should be the one asking that question, he's not the one who is black and blue. 

Robert gives up. Heads back inside and doesn't come out again until 20 minutes later with his dad and brother. He is walking a few steps behind them, Aaron notices, shoulders dropped. They're roaring, pretending to fight each other, occasionally jabbing one at Robert, but mostly ignoring him. Robert throws a quick glance back at Aaron before they disappear. He wants to smile back at him, give him something, hope maybe, but he cannot even muster that. 

Later that evening, Robert is back in his room. Face red and filled with dried tears. 

”They think I'm a piece of shit.”

Once again, Aaron doesn't know what to say. What is there to say? 'Sorry you're a human punch bag'? He'd rather rush next door and hit them both, but what good is that gonna do. Besides probably land himself in the hospital.

So he stays quiet, hands Robert the last coke he took from the fridge. Robert grimaces in pain as he reaches for the can and it looks painful enough that Aaron winches back, hating the look on his friend's face. Friends? Is that what they are now?

Without saying anything, Robert stares at him, then slowly peels up the side of his white tshirt. He breaks their eye contact then, head lowering a little. He looks small, Aaron thinks. Not his usual confident self.

His skin is more blue than peach, several big bruises covering his side and the part of his back that he can spot. His fist curl tighter, maybe he should just chance it with a visit next door.

Just then, there's a knock on his door, breaking him out of his trance. Robert is quick to pull his tshirt down.

"Aaron, do you wanna watch the Sound of Music?" his mother calls from behind the door, her voice the kind of jolly that happens after a couple of glasses of wine.

"We're going to sleep!" he shouts back, having no desire to be cramped up on the sofa with his mum and Tony. Just because he liked it as a kid for one Christmas, she still thinks he does. Besides, it was mostly because he found Friedrich cute.

Robert is picking at the hem of his tshirt, sad eyes lowered.

In lack of other things to do or say, he reaches into the bedside table. "It's me mum's. Body Shop," he says, as if it doesn't already says that on the fucking label. "Peppermint foot lotion. Serves your feet. Lie down and I'll rub it into your back if you want." He more or less blurt the words out before he can stop himself. 

There's barely any hesitation on Robert's part before he turns away from him, lying down. It builds a bit of extra confidence in Aaron which is very much needed when Robert is flat on his stomach in front of him, ass sticking up. His pulse races, his mouth all of a sudden a little dry.

Carefully he pushes Robert's tshirt up, his fingers trembling at the contact to his skin. His back is just as bad as his side, the old bruises joined by new, just as large. Aaron cannot help but stare sadly at it.

He pours a good amount of the lotion onto Robert's back who hisses. "Cold innit?"

"Yeah," Robert replies, the tears in his voice gone.

As his fingers gently rub the lotion over the bruises, it is impossible to concentrate on anything else than what if this is his chance? His only chance? He knows he is being stupid, there are other more important and less selfish thoughts he should be having instead but what if this is as close to Robert as he will ever get? The thought hurts but -

"I'm gonna work at the sports center," Robert interrupts suddenly. "Work out in the gym and an hour on the treadmill."

Aaron wants to ask if it's so he can get stronger and fight back or be able to run away faster. "You're a good runner" is what he settles for.

"You're on your own when you run."

He says it in such a way Aaron's not sure who he's referring to. There's a bit of a weird silence between them before Robert hisses again when Aaron strokes over a bruise a little too hard.

"I'm gonna stink of mint."

"Peppermint," he corrects. As if it's important.

"Peppermint."

Another moment of silence sinks over them, Aaron's hands not really doing much at all anymore.

"Have you ever..." he hesitates but only for about half a second. "Kissed anyone? Stuck your tongue in?" Christ, is he twelve? He mentally scolds himself for sounding so bloody juvenile about it, but he needs to know.

Surprisingly, Robert answers quickly, "Looking like this?"

"You ain't ugly," Aaron says even quicker and wants to bang his head against something hard.

"They've made me ugly." There's bitterness there but Aaron doesn't comment. He's more focused on the fact that Robert hasn't mocked his own admission.

"I don't think you're ugly." He says it calmer this time, like it matters. 

The soft admission hangs in the nervous air and if Aaron didn't know any better he'd say that whatever it is he is feeling; Robert is feeling it too.

His voice trembles when he speaks again, wondering how much he can push. "Here turn over, I'll do your front."

Robert's eyes fill with panic, his fingers gripping the sheets as if Aaron would try and flip him over. "I can't, I'm too sore. I'll make too much noise and your mum will come in." He rattles the words off in one fast go.

As if on queue there's another knock on his door. "I'm sorry lads. Who plays the baroness?!"

"Elena Parker!" Aaron shouts back as fast as he can to get rid of her, not caring what a complete geek it must make him look like. Somehow the worthless information has just stuck. 

His mum must hear the annoyance in his voice because she apologizes again. "Sorry lads."

"Turn the light off." Whatever moment he and Robert might have had, it is gone.

"No," he protests desperately. If he can only prolong it somehow. Even if just the light stays on it's good enough.

"Please."

"I don't wanna."

Robert ignores his plea and crawls under the duvet, his body barely lifting from the bed as he does.

Aaron, a little reluctantly, lies down too. His mind keeps screaming at him to not do anything stupid, to not fuck up what he has but it's like something bigger than himself controls him when he boldly asks, "Can I come up there, in with you?"

"No," Robert responds, still with the same panic in his voice.

"Please."

"You stay where you are!" Robert says a little louder. A little harsher. Enough to blow a hole to Aaron's confidence, and defeated, his head falls back heavily onto the pillow.

From the other side of the door he can hear his mum giggling and Julie Andrews sing about the alphabet. But it's drowned out by Robert sighing and the bed creaking when he keeps moving about.

A few seconds later Robert seems to be out of heavy sighs and is lying next to him, shoulder to shoulder and it's as if everything just falls into place.

"Satisfied?" Robert mutters and folds his arms across his chest.

"Mm," Aaron hums, ignoring the way Robert sounds annoyed.

"Night," Robert says, sounding a little calmer.

He knows he should, but he cannot bring himself to turn the light off just yet. Not when he has come this far. Robert isn't saying anything either and maybe he shouldn't take it as a sign but-

Quickly, he shifts up onto his elbow, leans over Robert and kisses him.

Robert lies stiff underneath him, staring at him with wide eyes, barely breathing. "Do you think I'm queer?" he finally whispers after a moment of silence.

He sounds so sad about it that Aaron immediately wants to kiss him again, hold him and tell him that things will get better. At least that's what he's been telling himself ever since he figured things out about himself.

"Don't matter what I think," he says and tries to put some sort of reassurment into his smile. He turns the light off. "Can I touch you?"

Robert is still staring at him, although his eyes seem a little softer. "I'm a bit sore." He swallows.

Aaron's hand reaches out and as his fingers curl around Robert's waist, he can feel both of them tremble.


	3. 16 going on 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron tries to reach out for Robert after their night together but things don't go as planned.

”You wait little girl on an empty stage... you are 16 going on 17....”

...

By the time he wakes up his head is pounding and his mind is running a mile a minute. Round and round in endless loops of questions. For a moment after he had peeled his eyes open it had felt like a dream, then, when sleep had left its hold of him completely, the smile had spread across his lips. Robert's hand on his, the sweat he'd kissed away from his forehead and the sticky mess coating his hand. His arm slung across Robert's body and the feeling of not wanting to move even though it had been far too crowded and warm under his cover. It all rushes back to him. So yes, he'd smile. Because all that actually happened. 

He doesn't even feel very disappointed that he'd woken up to an empty bed. Understands. Although he wishes he was still here. Wishes he could talk to him, ask him if he's ok. Ask him if they're ok.

But most of all, he really wants to ask if they can do what they did last night again.

...

A few days later and several unreplied texts to Robert, his mum gets tired of him hiding in his room and forces him to drag the duster all over the apartment. The radio silence is killing him and maybe he was stupid in hoping Robert would ever look at him again but it couldn't have just been him that felt that night meant something. 

”You can't sulk forever,” she calls after him as he locks himself in his room again. Wanna bet? 

He his back on his computer in no time, distracting himself with porn and weird sex positions that seem impossible if you still have your rib cage intact. What catches his eyes, however, is an ad mentioning a club in Hotten, and another of a couple in Leeds. Perhaps it's a bit optimistic considering he hasn't seen Robert since he stayed over, but, they should go. 

The thought hasn't more than entered his mind when he hears laughter echoing from the street below. It's Robert, a few of his mates next to him, a can in his hand. It's Saturday after all. His hair looks styled and he has a shirt on that's slightly too big that somehow just makes him look even better Aaron thinks. And he's smiling, and maybe that's the best part. 

The decision is instant and his mother shouts after him, hoover paused, as he rushes through the house, pulling on his jacket. 

”Where are you going?”

”Out with my mates!”

”You haven't got any mates!”

…

The music vibrates through his chest, making his blood pump faster as he searches the crowded house to find him. A few people are throwing stares in his direction, not used to seeing him among them, but most of them are too off their face to even care. It takes him a while, but he finds Robert outside at the back, just in time to see him pass a small packet to another bloke. Aaron doesn't need to wonder twice about what it is, he knows Andy's reputation. 

Shortly after, they're alone. Aaron contemplates closing the glass door behind the guy as he disappears into the loud house, but that might just make it seem more suspicious. 

”I texted you. Thought you might reply,” he tries, suddenly unsure what to say and why he even came here. It feels like being behind enemy's line and Robert is his only lifeline. 

”Do you expect me to be at your beck and call now do you?” Robert sounds angry about it and it makes Aaron sink a little deeper, his eyes averting to the floor. 

He shrugs, shifts a little. ”No it's just a bit weird,” he says, sounding way more needy than he would like to. Especially here. This place is not the place to show weakness. 

”I was out alright, left my phone at home, what's weird about that?” Robert continues, the anger still seeping out of him, as if he wants to scream at the world. 

Aaron still looks down, can't bare to do anything else. He bites on his lower lip, tries to gnaw it red before he admits, ”I'm worried about you.”

”Don't be,” Robert instantly replies as if he wants to stop him from talking. 

”Well I am,” Aaron says a little louder, looking up, staring back at Robert and feeling the anger come over him as well as he sees the hurt behind those eyes. 

”Well don't be. Nothing's happened. I'm pucker, everything's pucker.”

”You're black and blue” he points out, definitely feeling angry now. As if they both don't fucking know it. As if Robert hadn't been crying out every time Aaron's hands had brushed over them. 

”Just give it a rest Aaron.”

”Things have been better have they? Daddy laid off the fist work, haven't you burned the tea lately?” He knows he's unfair, knows that's not the way to talk to someone who gets beaten up on a weekly basis. But he just wants to get through to him, get him out of that place. 

”I said leave it” Robert says quieter, as if he's not got it in him to fight. 

”I'm scared,” Aaron admits just as quietly, daring to take a step closer. 

Defiantly, Robert stands up taller, squaring his jaw. ”I'm not scared of anything.”

Aaron sees right through him but plays along even so. ”Yeah?”

”Yeah. Last week I got out of the shop and there's this drunk idiot in the gutter, pissed himself and all. Just laying there. Everyone was walking past him but I had to walk over him. It was my old man. It got me thinking you know. Why be scared of someone who's dead to the world?”

Aaron knows what it's like to hate your father but he still doesn't really know what to say. ”If he knocks the shit outta you...”

”He's an embarrassment, he's nothing more, he's nothing less,” Robert rattles off and Aaron can hear his voice almost cracking by unshed tears. ”Why be scared of that?” 

”Scared of being called queer?!” The words fly out of Aaron's mouth. Loud enough that it make both of them look around to see if anyone might have heard. 

It trades the anger written over Robert's face to something unsure instead. ”Are you?”

Aaron takes a small step closer again, feels the air shift between them to something quieter, more tentative. ”Maybe... maybe not.”

”And are you?”

”Queer?”

”Gay.” Robert says as if he doesn't like the other word. 

”I'm happy when I'm with you,” Aaron admits, looking anywhere but at Robert. ”I said it now. Go one, pish yourself.”

”No.”

Aaron folds his arms in front of himself. ”Why, you don't think it's funny?” 

”I don't know,” Robert says, sounding a little sad. 

”I think it's hilarious,” Aaron says, pressing his lips together and it feels like he could cry at any minute. Mostly for being angry at the world, of the place where they live, of their shitty fathers who have instilled years of layers of insecurity he will never be able to scrub off. 

”Why aren't you laughing then?” Robert's voice is soft now, the anger completely gone. The kind of soft that always makes Aaron feel safe. 

Aaron shifts awkwardly. ”Do you wanna come round tonight? Say something then, you can talk,” he adds impatiently before Robert even gets the chance to say anything. 

”I can't.”

”Say no then.” Please say yes. 

”Let's get a drink, eh.”

They push their way through the crowded living room towards the kitchen and finds an abandoned bottle of vodka on the table. They don't really talk, just wordlessly passes it back and forth between them until everything seems to hurt a little less. It's odd really, them standing next to each other at a party. Aaron's never really invited and Robert is never far from his pack. No one really notices though. 

The only one who does is Tracy as she stumbles up to them, grabbing the bottle out of Robert's hand. ”Got any Es left?” she asks and takes a swig. She wipes her mouth with her bright pink sleeve. ”Give us an E or I'll spill where you slept last week.”

The demand makes Aaron's blood run cold and he looks at Robert who appears just as panicked. 

”What would your dad or Andy say?” she pushes tauntingly and Aaron cannot help clenching his fists. ”Hit me then you stupid queer!” she mocks as she spots his hands before turning to Robert again. ”Andy already knows. You know, walls are wallpaper thin.” She takes another gulp of the vodka. ”I've been sticking up for you. Told him you slept on the couch. Told him I've been in, I've seen. Told him you shouldn't say that about your brother.”

Aaron watches Robert stare at her, his face white as a sheet. 

”When was the last time Andy hit you? I bet it was Thursday,” she says and Aaron thinks there's no way she can possible know that was day after Robert had stayed over. 

”So?” Robert shrugs, trying to look unaffected but failing miserably. 

”You see, that's when I told him. That's when I lied.”

”Give her an E,” Aaron begs, wanting her to shut up and do one. 

”No that's alright. I'm not after sympathy,” she says, staring drunkenly at them both. 

For a moment it seems like she'll turn around and forget everything she has just said and it makes Aaron reach out and touch Robert's arm. ”Are we going then?” he asks, wanting to get out of there, the place feeling suffocating. 

Robert yanks his arm away. ”Are you stupid or what?!” he shouts. 

”Robert...” Aaron tries. 

”Get your hand off me. Get your fucking queer hands off of me!”

He has had the word thrown in his face many times before. But it has never hurt as much as now.


	4. Make your own kind of music

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Another short ch, the final one will be a bit longer though. Hopefully I can add that tomorrow.   
> 2\. Sorry I'm too lazy to use a beta hehe  
> 3\. Thank you for reading <3

”Nobody can tell ya;  
There's only one song worth singin',  
They may try and sell ya,  
'Cause it hangs them up to see someone like you.  
But you've gotta make your own music  
Sing your own special song,  
Make your own kind of music even if nobody else sings along.”

...

 

Robert sends a text of apology a couple of days later. It takes Aaron another week to forgive him. It happens somewhere between Robert staring sadly at him outside their apartments while Aaron does his best to ignore him, and Aaron lying in bed, listening to the screams from the other side of the wall. Maybe he just feels sorry for him, maybe he'll just take his anger out of him if he lets him back in. Even so, he cannot help but fall for the sad puppy eyes Robert throw him when they happen to run into each other on their respective terraces. 

His mum is there too, sorting through the mail. She shouts loudly when she reads through an official looking letter. The bar is hers she says happily and Aaron's face fall a little, recalling the interview she had gone to a few weeks back. Another move then. A place called Emmerdale. Closer to the rest of the family apparently. It's not like he even knows them but his mum seem happy enough. That's when he realizes that no matter how shitty this place is he doesn't want to leave because Robert is here isn't he. It's also the moment Chas plants a kiss on his cheek and Robert shows up to pull down the laundry that Aaron had seen him hang there earlier. He seems to be the only one taking care of it, Aaron has noticed. Looking surprised by seeing Chas kissing Aaron on the other side of the wall, Robert throws him that shy puppy look and disappears before he's even begun to retrieve the dry clothes. 

”What's his problem?” Chas inquires, ever the nosy one. 

”He's in love, that's all.” Aaron states, realizing he's talking about himself just as much as he is of Robert. 

”No!” Chas declares surprised which causes Aaron to smile over what appears to be genuine happiness. They are both too aware of Robert's struggles at home. 

Aaron slips inside, having decided it's time to forgive Robert and send him a text that he should come around. He lingers at the door as Robert reappears outside and his mum starts asking him about his girl. 

”No...” He can hear Robert gently protest and Chas, the eternal bulldozer, just assumes it's short for Noalee. The last thing Aaron spys on is his mum stuffing a tenner into Robert's hand, telling him to buy something nice for his bird. 

Robert comes around later that evening, a plastic bag all wrapped up and clenched tightly in his hand. 

”Noalee out tonight was she?” Chas asks quietly and Robert doesn't respond so much as just looks past her at Aaron. He nods for them to go to his room and Robert quickly untangles himself from Chas's prying eyes. Aaron follows him but not before catching his mum looking around outside the door before closing it. Like she knows. 

It makes his adrenaline rush faster for a second before a cold shiver takes over. Thinks of his school books filled with other's graffiti in them. If she has found them, she has never said. Or maybe it's a mother's intuition. He doesn't want to think about it. Isn't ready, not yet. He wants to focus on Robert, who is finally here, without an excuse, without having been beaten and taken his escape route. Here, for him. Because he wants to. He has even brought a gift. 

Aaron unfolds the plastic bag that's twisted around itself and picks up a simple black tshirt. Surprised at the gift, he holds it up in front of himself. ”Thanks...” he says, looking at Robert who looks so unsure of himself it's rather cute. 

”The colour looks good on you,” Robert mumbles and Aaron cannot help but tease. 

”I look fit do I?” He bumps his shoulder against Robert's. 

Robert's cheeks flush. ”Shut up.”

They quiet down and sit in silence for a moment, Aaron fiddling with his new tshirt, Robert's eyes roaming the room. There's loud music coming from Robert's apartment and from the opposite wall he can hear his mum's swearing. Probably at it again with one of her trivia game shows. 

Robert is the one to speak first. ”It just doesn't feel right. Here. Your mum behind the door. My lot behind the next. Thought we could go to my aunt because she's half deaf but that doesn't feel right either.”

Aaron knows what he means, feels just as uncomfortable. Especially knowing how thin the walls really are. They were stupid that first time. He's not sure if Robert is comfortable with it, heck he's not even sure he is, but it's worth a try. ”There's a club in Hotten. The bus passes right by. Thought we could go there, doubt anyone knows us there” he suggests a little tentatively, hoping Robert will say yes. 

They decide to go the next day and as Aaron fixes his hair, Chas is staring at him from the sofa, trying to solve a crossword puzzle that will apparently win her a year supply of bog roll. Doesn't seem worth putting your energy towards Aaron reckons. 

”Where are you going then?”

”Just out.”

”Might go out myself, got a new dress to show off.”

”Tony ok with that is he?”

”None of his business,” she says, almost sounding a little annoyed. Aaron won't go there but he wouldn't be surprised if a breakup was just around the corner. That's what usually happens after a few months, if that. The phone rings before she has time to say anything else and Aaron sees it as the perfect opportunity to dodge any further questions. 

Robert is waiting for him at the bus stop, arms folded in front of him, staring at the ground. He barely looks up as Aaron nods to the bus approaching. They don't dare sit next to each other until the bus is closer to Hotten than home. 

The place is loud and unlike anything Aaron has ever been to; a far cry from the punters at his mum's job. There are both men and women there, and some he is not sure what category they fall under. There are men dressed like most others in jeans and tshirt, others in leather and some in lace. Women in tight dresses, others in jeans and plaid. Some are playing pool, some dancing, others making out like there's no tomorrow. It all sorta makes his head spin. 

They make it to the bar in the back, away from the dance floor and the rowdiest crowd. Robert orders them a couple of pints while Aaron leans back against the counter, looking at the small stage tucked away next to it. There's a guy dressed as a woman singing and flirting with the small audience who seems easily amused. He's wearing a green dress with sequins all over and Aaron think it looks like it will rip at any second, it's so tight. 

Robert hands him his beer which he takes a generous swig of, hoping it will numb some of all the impressions. Looking at Robert, he looks just as out of place as Aaron feels like. 

It doesn't take long until the drag queen clocks them. ”Quack, quack,” she says to them both, mimicking a duck in both tone and gestures. Aaron wants to sink through the floor as the audience laughs at her animal imitation. ”Who do we have here?” she asks, approaching them and sticking the mic under Aaron's nose. ”What's your name pet?”

”A-aaron” he stutters. 

They guy tucks his hands in his armpits and flaps his elbows up and down again. ”I feel like chicken tonight” he singsongs and the audience laughs a little again. ”So, Aaron, I think I'll have two of you and ten of your mate, hellooo” he says with a hoarse voice and grabs Robert's face, pressing a big kiss onto it and leaving a big red lipstick mark. 

They down the rest of their pints and get the hell out of there. 

It's not until they reach a park a few blocks away that Robert suddenly starts laughing. He laughs so hard he hunches over and grab his knees not to fall. ”What even was that? That's not... that's not how we planned it.” Aaron can feel his own annoyance fade somewhat. It's too stupid. Laughed at at their first time in a gay bar. It's so sad it's hilarious and he's not sure he can see the funny in it yet but he laughs all the same because Robert's laugh is contagious. 

Robert suddenly stops, slips to the ground. ”Get mocked at home, get mocked when I go out. There's no fucking escape Aaron,” he adds and there's a tremble to his voice that makes Aaron want to cry. 

”Come with us” he blurts out before he has a chance to think. But as soon as he has said it out loud, it sounds right. ”Me and mum. We're leaving.”

”What?” Robert sounds possible even sadder. ”You never said.”

”Just found out yesterday.”

”Where to?”

”Emmerdale. Not too far from here. Mum's gonna run a pub there...”

”You're leaving me?” Robert cuts him off. 

Aaron doesn't know what to say, because yes, he guess he is, but it's not like he wants to or that it's his choice. ”Come with us” he says again, ignoring logic, practicalities and other boring stuff. 

Robert stares at the ground, frowning. Then, ever so subtle, he nods. ”Ok.” 

Aaron bites his lower lip. ”Yeah?” he hesitates a little, not really believing the answer. 

”Yeah,” Robert says, one corner of his mouth pulling into a smile. Aaron thinks it makes him look like the most beautiful person on earth. 

He holds out his hand for Robert to take and pulls him up from the floor, making them crash together. He kisses him, long and hard like he never wants to let go. That's when Robert pushes him away. 

”You're it!” he screams and runs away, giving Aaron no choice than chase after him. He catches up, kisses him again. Backs him up against a tree and lets his hands slip under his shirt. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind Tracy is playing Mama Cass; 'Nobody can tell ya, there's only one song worth singin'.


	5. Dream a little dream of me

Afraid that his mum will send out a search party, they reluctantly drag themselves back a little over one o'clock. They make the most out of their time back, their hands touching at the back of the bus, kissing all the way up the elevator. Aaron finds it hard to stop smiling through it all, feeling high on both booze and something else. 

As they fall out of the elevator together, they spot Tracy fiddling with her key in the door. 

”You're at the wrong door Trace,” Robert says and leads her to one door down. 

”Trace? Who's Trace?” She stares back at them as if she doesn't really recognizes them. Aaron's not sure he would either if he is honest, he feels that different. 

As soon as she's inside, Aaron turns to Robert, knowing there's no way to say a proper goodbye out here. ”Talk tomorrow yeah?” he smiles coyly. 

Robert backs slowly towards his door, excited eyes still glued onto Aaron. ”See ya.”

He stays by the door after he locks it, listens to see if he can hear Robert doing the same. For once, the apartment next door is quiet and he can hear Robert moving around for a bit until it goes quiet. Aaron's stomach is in knots, but in a good way and there's this stupid smile on his face that just won't go away.

Not until he finds his mum sat at the kitchen table, a cigarette glowing between her fingers, not even trying to hide that she's been waiting up for him. 

”Had a nice night?” she asks and he can tell. He can just tell that she knows. It's in her voice, in the way the cigarette stays still against the ashtray, in the red around her eyes. 

”Yeah...” he says carefully, the smile completely gone and the knot in his stomach twists into something more unpleasant. 

”With Robert?” she pushes and he reaches for the fridge, trying to avoid eye contact as best he can. 

”Yeah. Went to the pictures” he says hoping to appease her. 

”This is no time for lying Aaron.”

”It's not a lie,” he tries, grabbing a can of soda. 

She sighs before taking a shaking inhale of breath. ”You went to Bar West.”

He stops, taps a little on the can, the metal clinking underneath his fingers. He stares into the fridge, cannot bare himself to close it because it would mean he would need to turn around. And that is just too soon. This is too soon. 

”Only for a drink.” It's a lame try but a try nonetheless. He swallows the bile in his throat, feeling the knot twist tighter.

”That's where gay people go,” his mum pushes and sometimes he wishes he could just throttle her. 

Shut up, shut up, shut up. He slowly closes the fridge, as well as his eyes before he continues, ”Not just gay people, other people too.”

”People like you?” He can hear the disappointment in her voice, can tell she's struggling and he wants to hate her but she's all he got when it comes down to it. 

He nods, mostly to himself. ”Yeah.”

He hears the familiar sound of her stubbing out the cigarette, her chair moving a little and he can tell before she even speaks that something else is coming. ”Ms. Chauhan rang today.”

His anger rises at that. As if he hasn't got enough going on without that old hag interfering. 

”Why didn't you tell me?” The way her voice falters is unbearable. 

”Nothin' to tell.” Annoyed, he cracks open the can, spilling a little on his hand that he wipes off against his jeans. 

”Getting called a queer bent bastard is nothing to tell is it?!” she shouts and he twists around, staring at her. Guess she has seen his books then. He wants to cry. He rushes to his room before she will get a chance to see the tears fall. 

Only, she comes after. Yelling. ”You're pissed!”

”No I'm not,” he cries.

”You're pissed. From a bloody gay bar!”

”How do you know it's gay anyway,” he screams back, desperately trying to shift the focus away from him. 

”Because it's got a bloody pink neon ass outside of it!”

”Have you been spying on me?” He knows he sounds hurt, and he's got every right to be. Why would she do that. Not his mum, anyone but her. 

She looks away. Guilt written all over her face. That hurts even more. ”I found the books. After Ms. Chauhan rang. I had to.”

”You had no right,” he screams, taking a step closer to her, feeling like he wants to shake her until she shuts up. That just makes the shame worsen tenfold, because that would make him just like his father. ”Mind your own! You can't even sleep with one bloke before you wanna fuck the next!”

”Oi!” she shouts and her open palm is raised but stopped midair. They always were good at hurting each other. 

”Well how come you're going on about me for when... when...” he cries, not sure where he's going with it, just that he needs to talk about something else. Anything. 

”Because sometimes Aaron I can put two and two together and make four I'm not bloody stupid you know.”

”It don't mean I'm gay,” he sniffles, having to wipe his nose with the end of his sleeve. She doesn't say anything. ”I went for a drink, big deal. Everyone in my class goes drinking.”

”Yeah but they don't all go to bloody Bar West do they?”

”Some of them take drugs, at least I'm not doing that!” He knows he's grasping at straws now but there's nothing else he can do, backed into a corner and no way to get out. 

”No I'm bloody happy you're not!” she shouts back and they end up staring at each other, all air gone from their lungs, as if they don't have it left in them to fight anymore. 

”Go back to bed,” he begs, crawling under his own duvet, desperate to get away. 

She sits down at the end of the bed. Talks much calmer again, ”I can't sleep.”

”Don't take it out on me.” He curls in on himself, pulls the duvet over his shoulder. 

”Will you just talk to me?” She's crying now. It just makes it worse. 

”I'm knackered.”

”Please Aaron. Just talk to me,” she begs again. 

”What about?” As if he didn't know. He knows. He just doesn't want to know. 

”I'm your mother.”

”Some things are just hard to say,” he admits quietly into the covers. 

She puts her hand on his leg, but it doesn't give him much of a comfort. ”I know, I know that.”

”You think I'm too young. That it's just a phase.”

”You know a lot about me, don't ya.” Her voice is still calm. ”Don't cry.” She strokes a hand along his shoulder and he finds himself falling into her arms, crying harder. 

”It's alright, it's alright. Shh” She rocks him gently. ”I'm not gonna put you out in the morning like an empty bottle. There was me being a bit worried because you had to share bed with Robert and all the time you were doing 70 minus 1. He's an alright lad Aaron but he's trouble. I know what Andy puts him up to.”

”He's good to me.” 

”Is he?” Her voice shakes. 

”Yeah.”

Eventually, she leaves him alone. His room is dark but there is no way he will ever be able to get some sleep. Outside he can hear her talking to Tony. He wasn't even aware that he was staying over. Their voices are loud enough that Aaron can tell that they're arguing, about him no doubt, but low enough that he can't make out what they're saying. 

His head is spinning. His mum knows and the deep rotten shame he feels about it makes him want to throw up. At the same time, he feels happy. Tonight with Robert made him feel happier than he ever has before. He pulls out his phone, thinking that maybe he should text him, let him know about his mum. Then again, why ruin the evening for both of them. He unlocks his screen, staring at the messenger app.

”John and Mitchy were gettin' kind of itchy  
Just to leave the folk music behind  
Zal and Denny workin' for a penny  
Tryin' to get a fish on the line”

The music blares from the building and he hears his mum scream loudly. It's enough for him to jump out of bed and rush outside. 

Tracy is there, looking high as a kite and barely recognizable; she's got yellow stockings pulled on top of her head, the legs dangling as braids down each side of her face, some sort of fabric wrapped around her waist and she has padded her body in all kind of places. In her hand she's holding a spatula that she's using as a mic as she sings from the top of her lungs. 

He hasn't more than seen her when she suddenly starts climbing up on the railing. ”Aaron!” His mum shouts and ushers him over to help Tony bring her down. 

A few other neighbours have shown up outside and even Robert is there behind him, rushing over to lift Tracy down from the railing. As soon as she is down she runs off, making Tony chase after him. 

His mum shouts after them but makes no attempt to follow. Instead, Aaron is left with her and Robert and there's this awkward silence between them as his mum finishes her cigarette. 

Maybe he shouldn't say it, but the silence is somehow worse than the truth. ”She knows. My mum knows.” 

Robert spins towards him, shock written all over his face. ”Why do you have to go and grass?”

”I wouldn't.”

”Then how come she knows?”

”Because she isn't thick,” Chas says, emphasizing on 'she'. 

Robert starts crying and he can hear his mum sighing, as if she's had enough drama for one night. 

”Aaron get him a hanky.”

They end up inside, Chas pacing while Aaron sits down next to Robert on the sofa. Close enough to try and comfort him, far enough to not feel weird about it in front of his mum. 

”I won't tell your dad if that's what you're worried about.”

”He'd kill me,” Robert cries. 

”I know,” Chas says and Aaron is scared that he actually would. 

”No he would,” Robert insists. 

”Yeah I think we've established that.”

”They all would, all of them,” Robert says and Aaron finds himself wondering who all of them are, apart from his dad and brother. 

”I'll bloody kill you in a minute if you don't stop sniffling and shut up.” Calmer, she continues, ”You're a good lad, and that's what counts. And somewhere, you'll find people who won't wanna kill you.”

”No I won't.”

”You found Bar West.”

”I hated it.”

”Somewhere else then, shut up.” Chas scrunches her face, looking as if she's in agony. 

”There ain't nowhere else,” Robert cries again but this time his mum doesn't answer. 

They stay quiet until Robert breaks the silence by blowing his nose. ”Fuck me.” There's something lighter in his voice that gives Aaron a bit of hope that things will be alright. 

”There'll be none of that. I'm going to bed. Five minutes,” Chas says sternly. 

”Alright Chas. Goodnight Chas. Cheers Chas.”

”That's me name Robert, don't wear it out eh?”

As soon as she's gone, Aaron takes his hand. ”Sorry.”

”Not your fault.”

”What now?”

Robert shrugs and stares at the floor. ”Dunno.” Aaron feels him squeeze his hand a little tighter, warm against his cold. ”Can't go back, can I? It'll be out of the bag soon won't it? I'll be lucky if I can stand.”

Aaron turns to him, ”You'll come with us then, you will,” he says resolutely and Robert smiles a little, looks like he wants to say it is a sweet offer but how would it ever work. And that just won't do. He takes Robert's other hand and presses them both together with his. ”No more bruises,” he whispers. He watches Robert's face fall and his chest heave heavily. ”No more bruises,” Aaron repeats, emphasizing every syllable. He won't ever let anyone put a hand on Robert again. Robert's mouth twitches into a sad smile, not lasting more than a second, before he slowly nods, looking at Aaron with eyes glossy of unshed tears. 

…

By the time school finishes, Aaron and Chas have packed all of their belongings. 'No time to waste' has been his mum's motto through the process of packing, selling and throwing away. They've packed nearly all of Robert's things too, the things he has managed to sneak into their place anyway. Which isn't all that much. The bigger things he will just have to leave behind. So far, noone has noticed anything. Aaron knows Tracy has seen them, but to his surprise she has kept quiet. 

”And that is it,” Chas exclaims and closes the door to their rented trailer that is filled to the brim with stuff. ”I could do with a drink.”

”Mum...”

”Yeah yeah I know, we're going. You think Robert's ready then?”

Aaron glances up at their floor. ”Hope so.”

They find him and Tracy talking to each other. He only catches half of the conversation but it sounds like he's inviting her to Bar West the next time they're there.

”Don't know any gay blokes.”

He smiles at Aaron. ”Yeah you do.”

She looks between them. ”Yeah?”

Aaron nods. ”Yeah.”

A door slams shut behind them and soon Robert's dad walks past them without paying them much attention. ”Don't wait up,” he says and laughs.

Aaron watches Robert look at him as he disappears into the elevator. Doesn't matter how many times Robert has said it will be good to never see him again; he's still his dad. 

”Andy still home?”

”Think he's out too.”

”Shouldn't we get some of your things then?”

”Nah, leave them. Don't want them to actually look for me.”

Tracy looks at them and Aaron can tell the moment she realizes Robert is leaving with them, as a frown forms on her face. Hopefully she can stay quiet about that too. 

Chas exits their apartment then, locking it behind her. ”Right Trace, there's an extra twenty for you if you dust behind the fridge as well. I don't want anyone telling me it's not done right.”

Aaron turns to Robert while Tracy tries to make a better deal with his mum. ”You ready?”

Drawing a deep breath, Robert nods his head. ”Think so.”

Aaron looks at both their front doors next to each other. It's weird to think he will never go inside again. As much as he hates the place, it's still home. And that means more than he ever thought possible. 

Not having noticed Robert has walked ahead, he's surprised when he calls for him. ”Come on,” he says and reaches out his hand. 

It's impossible not to grin really. They hold hands all the way down the elevator and Aaron smiles the whole way down. As the doors open, he can feel Robert letting go. His heart sinks a little but it's not like he doesn't understand. He does, too well. 

They walk across the square to where his mum is waiting outside the car, fag in her hand. 

”Oi Robert!” Tracy calls and they turn their heads up to see her lifting her old boom box up on the railing. 

”What?!” Robert calls back. 

”Imagine your dad's face!”

It should be sad, it really should Aaron supposes, but somehow it isn't and they both burst into laughter, he can even hear his mum chuckle behind them. 

”I'll miss you!” Tracy shouts again and fiddles with the device. A second later Mama Cass's voice echoes between the buildings, 

”Stars shining bright above you  
Night breezes seem to whisper I love you  
Birds singing in the sycamore tree  
Dream a little dream of me”

Aaron smiles up at her and shakes his head, as annoying as she is, he'll miss her too. Slowly, he backs away, eyes glued on the grey buildings. Robert turns to him and smiles and this time it's Aaron's time to reach his hand out. Briefly hesitating, and after a quick glance around them, Robert takes it. 

They walk to the car and never let go. 

 

”Say night-ie night and kiss me  
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me  
While I'm alone and blue as can be  
Dream a little dream of me”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading guys!  
> It has been a while since I wrote anything in eng so I have definitely felt rusty haha.   
> However, it feels good to have finished a project that was LONG overdue.


End file.
